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God Rest Ye Professional Gentlemen
(The Bath Trip Song)
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Lyrics: Alun Tudor Jones. Music: Trad.
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God rest Ye, Professional Gentlemen,
Let nothing you dismay.
Remember we are going to Bath,
On this cold Saturday.
We'll have a laugh and a few drinks,
And then we'll come away.
With bags full of sausages and cheese,
Sausage and cheese.
Oh with bags full of sausages and cheese.
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We're driving down the swift M4,
And making such good time.
Pete Cunningham is dreaming,
Of lager without lime.
But suddenly there's quite a screech,
The bus runs out of rhyme.
And the driver just hasn't got a clue,
Not a clue.
And the driver just hasn't got a clue.
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Alun Jones as bold as brass,
Says we are doing fine.
That smokey little engine,
Is not a happy sign.
Sam Bowser makes his own protest,
With gallons of urine.
And we're stuck with no public house in sight,
Not one in sight.
And we're stuck with no public house in sight.
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Charlie Collins' confident,
Just couldn't give a toss.
The only thing our sad bus lacks,
Is two good coats of gloss.
Is everybody happy?
No Mike Thomas looks quite cross!
And the driver checks the tyre pressures,
Tyre pressures.
And the driver checks the tyre pressures.
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Terry's on the telephone,
We'll soon be out of here.
We'll make a stop at the friendly Crown,
And sup some Wadworth's beer.
And then drives up the RAC,
Can't get it out of gear.
And Dick Feeley has seen a randy bull,
Randy bull.
And Dick Feeley has seen a randy bull.
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The RAC man's awfully nice,
He'll take us part the way.
"I'll take you to a local pub,
And open up they may".
He puts his hands in Sam's wee wee,
Warmest they've been all day.
Oh but no one will tell him what he's done,
What he's done.
Oh but no one will tell him what he's done.
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We're towed to the friendly Crown,
For homemade soup and toast.
"We're O.K. now", Stuart says,
"Here comes our friendly host".
"Clear off and take that bus with you",
Was his quite evil boast.
And we're stuck with a public house in sight.
But it's shut.
And we're stuck with a public house in sight.
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There is a happy ending,
To these eventful tales.
Two Bristol men gave us a lift when we said,
"We're from Wales".
You must make use of Englishmen,
When everything else fails.
Now its bags full of sausages and cheese,
Sausage and cheese.
Now its bags full of sausages and cheese.
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© That Man Enterprises, 1995.
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