One of our Regulars is Missing
A special report from Chief Editor, Jonathan David Abraham
Where is Ron Hughes? has been the question on the lips of many Five Bells regulars recently. Popular Ron was a most persistent drinker, regularly propping up the corner of the bar and drinking his usual ten pints of Allbright almost every night but now he hasn't been seen for some time.
This photograph is thought to be the only one of
Ron in existence and was taken just days before his mysterious disappearance
Criminal
Police are baffled by the disappearance but believe that many people had reasons for disliking Ron. He's always been a ladies' man, and the price he used to charge for the hire of a minibus can only be described as criminal. However, they don't believe these would lead to anyone having motive enough to harm Ron.
Friends
Ron isn't the only regular whose gone missing from the Five Bells recently. There is a complete catalogue of those who have disappeared off the face of the Earth. So alarmed are the residents of the small market town of Bridgend, that they have started to call the area between the Five Bells, Dai Singleton's Newspaper Shop (Beefburgers and salacious magazines a speciality) and the Spar "The Five Bells Triangle".
Contained in this growing list are Howard John, a quiet, mild mannered, retired P.E. teacher from Ogmore Vale, Gwyn Williams a fervent Welsh Nationalist and also a retired teacher and Barry 'Shirley' Jones, a whiz with a drill. And the connection between these people? They were all friends of Ron Hughes.
Surrealist
Criminal psychologist Peter 'the Russian' Jones has put forward the theory that what he describes as the 'Bus Gang' has perpetrated a protection racket extorting money from South Wales public transport companies. This theory has been dismissed by other experts as surrealist nonsense.
STOP PRESS
Missing raconteur Ron Hughes was spotted outside Gossips Café in Port Talbot late last night.