Bridgend Man in Kumba Crisis
A special report from North American correspondent Alun Tudor Jones
Ian Tiberius Williams of Merthyrmawr Road, Bridgend, narrowly escaped with his life at the American holiday resort of Tampa Bay in Florida last week. He was visiting a tourist attraction famous for its huge roller coaster rides. As he was coming to the end of his turn on the mighty 'Kumba', the carriage in which he was travelling leapt from the track.
Attack
It seemed that Ian was about to plunge to an untimely death, but with a mighty effort he was able to release himself from his seat and fall safely into a nearby lake. In his frantic attempt to evade the impending doom, Mr Williams, 34, left his trousers behind in the wagon. Unfortunately, the excitement proved all too much for an unfortunate elderly woman passenger seated in the following car and she suffered a slight heart attack.
Ian was in the United States on a business trip, visiting the 'Wendy' fast food chain, in which he has a sizeable financial stake. Many readers will remember that he made his fortune some years ago by inventing the Iantoburger®. His success lay in the development of a unique distribution channel. The burgers are grilled and then thrown directly into the bin, thus instantly eliminating the "middleman".
Trousers
A confident Ian Williams boards the
'Mighty Kumba' blissfully unaware that seconds later the Grim Reaper would lie
in wait
Interviewed shortly after his miraculous death-cheat, a moist but cool Ian said, "I suppose that I was quite lucky really. I'm off now to buy a new pair of trousers".
STOP PRESS
London share prices in Iantoburger® plc have soared following the news of Mr Williams narrow escape.