Local Builder in Religious Conversion

A special report from Chief Editor, Jonathan David Abraham

As word of his abilities as a master builder spread all over the world via the wonder of the Internet, local Bridgend playboy and cider magnate, David Oakley, finds that his masonry skills are being increasingly demanded from all corners of the globe.

Weeping

It was no surprise therefore when the Israeli ambassador recently contacted David from his embassy in London to engage his services. The world famous Weeping Wall in Jerusalem has been a Mecca for religious pilgrims for centuries. Continual visits, and the accumulation of tears and spittle on the floor, have led to the erosion of the pathway and pavement next to the wall. The Israeli government felt that David was the only man on the planet worthy of their repair.

Gasps

David is a popular drinker at the Five Bells Inn, Bridgend, where many of his friends miss his jovial bon mots as he regularly builds his walls across the world. A thoroughly decent man, David has never been overtly religious in his comments or views. Therefore, news of his conversion to Judaism whilst in Jerusalem caused gasps of disbelief from the regulars at the Five Bell's bar. (Periodic readers will remember a similar reaction to Phil Tapper's metamorphosis into the Singing Rabbi - Ed.).

Moon

David flew to the Moon four years ago to retrieve the gearbox from his Toyota van. It is thought this experience, combined with his pilgrimage to Israel, may have caused him to undergo his own "road to Damascus" revelation. He has now solemnly undertaken to repair the stone work of any religious artefact in peril anywhere on Earth whilst he is still able to.

STOP PRESS

Following a very nasty experience in the lounge at Stanstead Airport, David has renounced his recent conversion and has ceased his work as a master builder. He now operates an undertaking business from his residence in Cemetery road.