Plucky Plumber in Mercy Mission

A special report from Specialist Plumbing correspondent, Alun Tudor Jones

The International Space Station has run into a crisis of incalculable proportions, brought about by a failure of the evacuation pump on its only toilet facility. The three American 'residents' are said to be 'distraught' (Associated Press). The USA Shuttle, Discovery, has been placed on the alert to solve the problem by flying an expert plumbing engineer to the station, with a solution that could relieve the plight of the Station astronauts, who need to be relieved.

Scoured

NASA scoured the World for an engineer with the expertise to repair the highly specialised mechanism. Following unsuccessful sorties through most of the technologically advanced countries, they finally engaged, R.R. Dibble, from Bridgend, South Wales (Corgi Registered).

Spare Part

Modestly, R. 'Rowe' Dibble declared, "It's not a big job, and my mission statement is 'Distance is no Object'; but it was hard to find the part." Local merchants Doug Field and Terry Reffell couldn't help, but the Muscovite merchants, Ivan Cisternova, were able to provide the vital component.

Flushed

The intrepid local plumber was flown to Cape Kennedy (Fla), where the shuttle Discovery lifted-off to rendezvous with the Space Station, piloted by the experienced Kelly twins and mission specialist, Ron Garan. During the flight, he was able to transmit a brief, but encouraging message to the 'residents': "Don't worry, boys, I'll soon have you flushed".

STOP PRESS

The World is feeling safer tonight. Rowe has succeeded in relieving all three crew of the space station.

Presidential candidates Obama and McCain are believed to have both posted messages of congratulation and gratitude to the Bridgend plumber.